armchair_handjob

is a slacker from Neelys Bar.

rank: member

member since: 1.21.12

forum posts: 3912

contributions: 0 remixes, 0 comments

name: Colonel Tuxedo

location: Neelys Bar

occupation: Mop floors at the porno theater

aim: Dead men, dead men swinging in a tree.

msn: How many dead men do you see?

y! messenger: Tongue turned blue and face turned grey.

icq: Watch them as they twist and sway.

xbox live gamertag: .

bio:

I like: rectal thermometers, wakening up in a strange place, mustaches, opium dens, impersonating an officer, public bath houses, confession booth glory holes, medicated chest ointments, deutch oven, a strangers hand searching my pocket, looking at people through binoculars, seeing how many enemas I can take before I have to go, pants that bunch-up my package, parking cars in drive-thrus, mystery pills, wearing clothes from the toddler department, inner- thigh rubs, homeless people, leering through a strangers window, open-air food storage, nipple grease, wearing suspicious trench coats to the park, old men just hanging out in the locker room, blood in my stool, roadside pee bottles, Gary Busey, really old hams, going through my neighbors trash, moaning in public, hiding in the bushes, 100% polyester suits, wearing a shirt but no pants, impersonating James Brown on crowded elevators, the airport body scanner, strip searches, body cavity searches, loitering in my van around playgrounds, going to sleep at buffets, reaching into sharps boxes, wandering through “employees only” doors, probes, standing too close to the person in front of me in lines, pretending to be confused when I’m not, walking around with my fly down, ordering a McBeer at McDonalds, a good reverse toupee, front rubs, digging body-sized holes in my yard, an inappropriate massage booth in front of church, giving children pre-opened candy from my pocket, hanging around changing rooms with a camera, and of course Bill Cosby

favorite sexual position:

The Rusty Trombone, The Rusty Saddlehorn, The Dirty Gas Pump, and The Deutch Rudder (By the way, if you took the time to read all of this… you might just be a bigger loser than I am for taking the time to type all of it.)

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